i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
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