haha i think we're both just down to be fuck buddies..but i do have a hickey and a bit of a big lip and fucking burns on my knees..note to self hooking up on a golf course is NOT that exciting
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
he told me I talked like a deaf person
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize
