Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
We had to coat check the pizza.
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
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