If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
Randomize
