I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
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