Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
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