i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
Randomize
