The brown eye won't let me do that either.
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
Randomize
