Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
Randomize
