She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
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drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
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I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
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