I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
Randomize
