Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
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