If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
Randomize
