we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
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