explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize
