Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
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