p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
I'm having to shit out rocks
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