defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
Randomize
