Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
Randomize
