I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
My liver is preforming stress tests.
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
Randomize
