well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
Randomize
