I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize
