I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
She needs sedatives and a leash
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Randomize
