we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
Randomize
