I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
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