I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
Randomize
