I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
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