I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
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