Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
I feel like a drive thru vagina
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
Randomize
