Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
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