He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
Randomize