nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
Is this a definitive no? All is forlorn? Such is fine, but i'm drunk and a sucker for concrete answers
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
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