It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
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NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
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Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
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