just tell him i said nine months
I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
Randomize
