Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
Randomize
