just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
i may or may not be watching the land before time
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
Randomize
