One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
Randomize
