If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
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