Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
Randomize
