Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
We have started to decorate penises.
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
Randomize
