I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
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