We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
Do you have feelings for this penis?
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
Randomize
