If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
Randomize
