You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
It all started with a game of naked twister.
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
Randomize
