We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
But he was like 75 and lives right near mom and dad. Not a threat at all.
but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
Randomize
