Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
I need a hoe opinion
go on
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
Randomize
