I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
Randomize
