why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
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