It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
Randomize
