oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
Is that strawberry winking at me??
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