I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
the raccoons are back...
Randomize
