I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
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I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
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Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets