hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
We were destined to go to rehab together
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.