wtf someone played my fucking brickbreaker games and lost i had ten fucking lives. ughhh
maybe you did when you were drunk
no way, i wasn't THAT drunk.
So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
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Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
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I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse