I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory