Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
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