Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
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