Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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