8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
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