You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
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