That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
Randomize
