You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
windsor, ontario is like a poor man's amsterdam
no, it is just poor
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
Randomize
