It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
Randomize
