I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize
