it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
Randomize
