Dude my mom stole all your condoms
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
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