Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
Randomize
