yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
It was beautiful and filled the audience with hope for the future. :3 I wish I could speak more but sleep werk nighty
I asked how you were doing?
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
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