Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
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