her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
Randomize
