Screwed.edu
Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
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