Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
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