hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
Randomize
