Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
Randomize
