the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
Randomize