I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
Why is there bacon in the couch?
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
Randomize
