her vagine was all disorganized.
I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
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