i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
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