Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
